Goodbye grace.

i_am_danger @ 2007-06-14T20:10:00

2007-06-15T00:14:07Z

Listen, I'd take the damn medication if you'd just get an intelligent receptionist who could schedule a damn appointment. How many times do I have to show up before actually getting to see someone?

Jeez.

She's dressed to kill.

2007-01-22T20:38:25Z

This is a downward spiral. Everything that could possibly go wrong in the past few weeks, has indeed blown the fuck up.

Most of it is my fault. I have a wicked temper, an overindulgent imagination and an ego the size of a fucking mountain.

It doesn't matter, but I'm sorry. I wish you'd say the same.

thanks.bye.

Leave Clay Aiken alone, Rosie.

2007-01-16T05:07:37Z

It's my jacket and I'm a coffin nail.

thanks.

Fudgepop, freezerburn.

2006-12-19T14:40:58Z

She's got my jacket.

And I want it back.

I'

2006-12-09T16:55:32Z

Contrary to popular belief, I was not stabbed by a homeless European stuck in America, Killed by the Mafia for trying to reveal the location of J. Hoffa, gunned down in a Texas showdown or eaten alive by the herp.

No, indeed I am still alive and just fine.

The story goes a little like this:
I had just completed a 17 page technical paper for my Bus 431 class with my partner. It was 100% complete. Since we were working on two different workstations and compiling it as we went, he sent me the completed file. Because of the virus, we did not send it via our UM-Flint accounts, but rather our personal email addresses.

Here's where it hits the fan. I decided to check it again before I sent it and it was gone. The entire 17 page report had been reduced to nothing, just blank pages. "Don't panic", I told my partner, it's saved locally on your account, the info is all there, something just happened in transit.

It wasn't there. It was way past closing hours for the building, but we had kind of locked ourselves into the lab. My partner knows the ITS people personally, so he pulled a favor and got them in at midnight to try and help us recover our data.

Now, everyone says that Microsoft "autosaves" every once in a while and that there should be some sort of partial file somewhere. Nothing. ITS couldn't do anything, the work was just gone.

"Did you save it?" If I'm anything, I'm paranoid. I save and made sure he was saving religiously. No joke, every 10-15 minutes, Save. I personally hit the save icon on his computer several times myself, just for good measure.

So, if you actually read that, you know my life is hectic right now. AND on top of that, my phone is broke, Kaput, destroyed, ended, beyond repair.

So, I apologize for the rumors, those paparazzi

This is for me.

2006-11-06T22:47:53Z

I saw him once more, at home anyway, as per usual, he didn't have a whole lot to say. He asked me about work, about the house, about the norm.

He asked me.

We hung out (well, he probably had different terminology), he was awake, he was asleep. He was there.

He asked me to go up to his room and pick up two books for him. "The Great Coming Battle" and "The Creature from Jekyll Island". I figured, If I was confined to a chair, I'd want to read too. He gave the books to me and asked me to read them. I was ecstatic, elated. I thought, finally, some sort of wisdom, something to be passed down. It turns out, they were Government Conspiracy books and how the Federal Government was giving it's people the shaft.

It lost meaning. That is, until the showing, the funeral, the talks, the bullshit, the fake fucks who show up to get attention. I learned more about him in those two days than I did in 22 years.

It's been hard trying to live a lifetime (at least mine) worth of relationship in a few years (since he'd been sick). I tried. I think we got it.

I learned alot. I learned about how much he not only loved me, but respected me and LIKED me. That was something I wasn't used to.

When he was there, alone, in that room with that guy who coughed and talked about his damn sores, he wanted to hold my hand. I swear, that's never happened before, not as a kid, not as a teen, never as an adult.

It hasn't quite hit me consciously, I haven't been drinking to forget, I've been drinking to remember. To live out some of the glory days I know I should be having, similar to the ones he had. To have stories to tell, lies to live, love.

So, sleep well dear brother, on Primrose lane and in love's good name.

Boredom and sickness and anger and aggression lead to...............BAMBI!

2006-09-28T16:11:49Z

I really think I wanna watch Bambi again. Except I'm going to skip the end. I don't want to watch anything die. (because that shit sucks.)

I think that something that sweet and innocent really oughtta calm me down.

No, you're histrionic, Jim Carey.

2006-09-19T15:22:55Z

I have a cold or the flu or something like that.

It's totally sweet. People don't want to talk to me or be near me and that works well for me at my place of employment (using the word "work" twice in one sentence, sucks).

But, besides that I feel like crap.

Is it Thanksgiving yet?

Fuck all of that, I'm out.

2006-09-13T14:56:48Z

I hate people.

I wish I were back in bed.........alone.

Love's alot like a punch in the face

2006-09-05T16:13:25Z

For the record: I have an "addictive personality" also read as "I'll do it 'til it kills me".

So, when I can't sleep, I can't sleep, I don't take pills, I can't take pills. If I take pills, I take alot. Why take 1 when you can take 5? Why take 5 when you can take 10. Ah, fuck it, let's take the whole bottle. This is the reason I've never touched drugs. I know my weakness, I'm not going to exploit myself, that's ridiculous.

I couldn't sleep Sunday/Monday. Wide awake. The ceiling was starting to make way too much sense. I tried everything. Grilled cheese. Driving. Wheaties. Video Games. No sleep. 9 rolled around. I had been watching the clock waiting for it for 3 hours already.

I hit the grocery store. I bought Tylenol PM. I exploited myself. I put on The Honorary Title. I proceeded to have dreams about the devil, his gold nose and his matchbook.

I woke up a full day later.

Apparently, I talked to people. I have absolutely no recollection of those conversations and I apologize.

Also for the record: The devil is not as sly and handsome as everyone makes him out to be. He looks like a hobo with syphilis and doesn't speak in intelligent phrases.

Can't catch me riding dirty....

2006-08-30T15:58:47Z

I've got it almost worked out. Almost.

I've got stuff set-up in my office/rock-room/really shitty recording studio. (The neighbors will hate me, but fuck 'em anyway)

Tonight, I format the "old" laptop.

Tomorrow. It's a recording machine.

We're doing this. As hood as we can, it's gonna be fantastic.

I was toying with it last night and just got all super excited, It felt so good, so natural.

I feel like a morning star..........

.......bitches.

On day's like this, I thank God for my illness (it wasn't meant to rhyme, but it did)

2006-08-28T16:11:12Z

Oh, hell yeah.

Suffice to say, when it's good, it's REALLY good.

and when it's bad, well you get the idea.

Right now, I'm on an upswing and feel fantastic.

Let's do something, no?

...and stay the fuck out of my car

2006-08-25T15:34:27Z

Get out of my dreams, you're killing me.

I need to sleep, for serious. Last night marked about 2 weeks of damn near sleeplessness and it was the worst night.

6 am, still staring at the clock. I tried everything..... Still awake...

Now, everything is a haze, it's like I'm not even here. I'm watching a movie or something unfold around me and I can interact, but I'm making absolutely no sense.

I shit you not, the office girls were all getting cookies someone brought in and suddenly it wasn't office personnel, it was jungle animals around a watering hole.

sigh.

Love shack baby. yes, baby

2006-08-23T14:51:50Z

I am tired. I haven't slept more than 3 hours in the past two weeks.

I'm almost to the point of breaking down and taking medication..............

..............almost.

It's flippin' everywhere!!!!

2006-08-18T20:02:37Z

It was a freak coincidence, a short narrative on a voice mail that left me somewhat taken aback.

Georgia won't be the same without you. Processes and phone calls are going to be even worse. Your counterparts aren't quite as "sunshiny" as you (I wish I had thought of that descriptor myself. I'm not that clever)

i_am_danger @ 2006-08-09T17:27:00

2006-08-09T21:33:30Z

They called me conceited. Honestly, If they only knew. I butter myself up, tell them that I think I'm the greatest. If they only knew.

I'm a scared, cynical, obsessive and insecure 22 year old, overcoming his past (and present) deficiencies.

IF I showed even the slightest bit of insecurity, they'd eat me alive.

They're like animals, they smell fear and doubt. I swear you can see the saliva slide down their fangs.

Sigh.

I am pretty amazing, though.

I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner

2006-08-07T00:45:35Z

Girls are stupid.

Apparently, I'm dangerous.

Which was very flattering.

But girls are still stupid.

i_am_danger @ 2006-08-05T11:44:00

2006-08-05T15:45:25Z

All the wrong girls, for all the right reasons.

Morals are not fun.

:EDIT:

I'm dying my hair again, like the emo fag that I apparently am.

Also, I'm going to blow up my truck. She's had her fun, it's time to die.

"Fallout boy's lyrics are mean as earth" and now we're all hardcore.

Lame.

Marry me, stay the same..... laugh at me...

2006-08-01T19:43:35Z

It's still Anthony Fucking Murphy.

Don't forget it.

I'm strong enough to not care.

Mr. Jones and Me

2006-07-21T13:44:20Z

Bitches, I'm going to the Counting Crows concert tonight! I saw them last year at Meadow Brook, It was cool as hizzie. (I made that up)

And, there's a chance I have an extra ticket to the concert tonight at DTE (or Pine Knob if you're bitter). It's around 20 or 30 dollars (I can't quite remember). So, IF you want to go... Holla back!

I'm excited!!!

Life's funny that way

2006-07-14T19:08:26Z

I'm done moderating my criminal intent.

I wanted to update. I wanted to tell of love and glory. Truth be told: there are no stories.

I want to write, songs and stories. Something to sing to people who don't care about what it's about, but translate the words into their own life.

I want to mend pieces of hearts, heal the pawns and return them to the service of the queen (the king is only a face). They're the best protectors.

I'm drinking tonight.

By myself, with others. It doesn't much matter, does it?

The end result is always the same.

...This is what Living like this does.

2006-07-13T20:21:43Z

I got called a prick today at work. It's ok, being upper management makes them think that. And, truth be told, I can be.... Purposely. I doubt any of my friends would call me a prick, unless I'm trying to be, people who know me, who I don't have to be "professional" with, I think they know. Maybe I'm just oblivious to my own "prickdom" (I made that one up!) I don't know, I'm just aggravated. They'd think different if they were in my shoes. If they had a guy threaten to "knock your teeth out", because he got confronted. Yeah, maybe.

Whatever.

I do need to get out more, It's getting a little ridiculous. I married my career too soon. Maybe it's one of those days? It's summer, usually, even if in a slump, by now I've managed to secure some sort of companionship (normally they're a little crazy, but whatever). The whole Dane Cook segment on everyone else being "in love" is totally true. But, more than anything, I want a partner in crime. Ya know? Let's hang out, do fun stuff, party, not party, drive for hours, hang out in parks. Titles, no titles, Boyfriend, girlfriend? Who cares, we're partners.

Word.

I'm going over to her house tonight, that'll be fun. Board games and movies and Video games and doorway talks (because I get nervous). Me and her. We could totally get away with anything, we're that smooth. Smooth Criminals.

Driving faster in my car

2006-06-26T00:24:17Z

I'm strong.

and will continue to be so until it's all better.

I'm here.

Oh, to loathe (or love)

2006-06-15T16:12:02Z

When people first start on an emotional escapade (aka dating), they start off like a horse out of the gate, or a bat out of hell, or My senile grandmother through the house when I burst through the basement doors with my devil mask screaming "I've finally come for you Gertrude, prepare for eternity!!!!"

Everything's great, everyone's happy, love is in the air (Fuck Barry White). Then, eventually, things get cold, common and kinda mundane and routine.

Sometimes, it's a good thing, it's comfortable and people end up happy. Sometimes.... well, not so much.

And so, to answer my Mother's (and most of my friends) question, the reason I don't date, or have a girlfriend, is because I really don't like the whole thought of having all of that fun just to get bored and then pissy and then fight and then break up (because saying "I want my fucking jacket back you lying whore" is not my favorite thing to do)

So thus, I don't try. We go to the bar, I just sit idly by, enjoying the cold piss water they bring me.

So that's it, I don't date because I don't want to lose my jacket.

Or something like that.

You and I in a little toy shop....

2006-06-07T14:11:41Z

So, this weekend. I don't care. It was fun.

On a totally unrelated note, I'm beyond busy right now. I submitted all of the assignments from the China trip (thank you 18 hour plane trip) and took an exam when I got back. I have to write a research paper for the China trip all while taking the other summer classes. I figured I'd have some down time after the last exam to breathe and start researching the paper that's due next week (we're all about deadlines in the business school).

Not so much, turns out, I have assignments due today, Friday and Monday. Plus the exam for the other class, plus its assignments.

Taking 3 spring classes and going to China and working full-time plus (I'm averaging 50 hours a week). Est no bueno.

I haven't had time to get to the gym or even run since I've been back. I go to bed at 1 or 2 and get up at 5:30.

I need someone to hang out with.

Dizamn.

The business helps the time go by, but it brings the other issues out, oh they're fun.

whew.